Filling the Supreme (Court) Vacancy of our Stomachs

Procrastination: a prereq for any Cornell student. This week, we showed our school spirit by not only avoiding all of our scholarly duties, but also by forgetting to write about our food up until tonight. And we certainly (stress) ate a lot of food together this week.

The week began with an exam for Josh and a paper for Olivia. Traumatized and beaten down after those near-death experiences, we knew we had to reward ourselves. We decided to get late-night frozen yogurt. Olivia accidentally spent almost nine dollars, forgetting that her meal plan doesn’t translate to the real world. Josh, forever the conservative, only clocked in at six — the cashier had to stifle a gasp. As we watched people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on the episode of “Fixer Upper” playing in SmartYogurt, we realized our lack of financial awareness could be worse.

Thursday night we also decided to treat ourselves. For what? We aren’t entirely sure. We had no money. We had accomplished nothing. And, most depressingly of all, we had secured zero Tinder dates. By even the lowest of standards, it was an objectively mediocre week. Despite this, we found our lack of success worthy of a reward. We went out to one of those “only-go-here-if-your-parents-are-paying” restaurants and both ordered desserts on top of our already-unnecessary meals. It was delicious and there are only a few regrets (started the week feeling like a Trump; ended it feeling like a Carson: out of money and defeated).

The moral of this week’s story is that even if people tell you it isn’t precedented (or socially acceptable) to spend this much money on food so late in your term, do it anyway. Who cares? You’re out of office soon enough.

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